Dear Big Man,
Can you believe it’s been three years since I met you in that little chapel? It was so cold and dark outside, but oh my heart was on fire like all of the candles that lined my walk to you. I’ll never forget that moment I saw your deep green eyes, it was like a dream – I didn’t even hear the music we had spent weeks deciding and choosing. All I heard was my heartbeat, all I felt were your eyes on me.
I’ll never forget that moment we left the church in your truck. My dress was wrapped up in a giant mound of tulle with me in the front seat, you looked so dashing in your tux. Remember when we grinned at each other saying we could skip the party and just drive straight to Mexico. If you had been serious, I would have said yes. I would have followed you anywhere.Instead, we danced, ate the best smoked dinner and escaped in a helicopter later that night.
That first year of marriage, I am so sorry, honey. It took me a while to adjust to Oklahoma. I missed my family. I missed being a ballerina. And instead of telling you these things, I sulked. You were so good to me. You encouraged me to see my family at least once a month and took my mind off not finding a job and missing dance with surprise trips to Eureka Springs and Dallas – trips we certainly couldn’t afford, but you were determined to help me adjust and be happy. You encouraged me to blog and write, and for that I am also so very thankful. I’m just so sorry I wasn’t selfless enough to love you liked you deserved that first year.
Thankfully, I grew up during our second year of marriage. We both did. We married young, but I think when we started getting very honest with each other, things took a turn for the best. Because we were honest, we could have more fun. We could love each other more, once we shared more of ourselves. And wow, how much do I love all of you from those green eyes to your darkest secrets and biggest dreams. I see so much more of you and I love it. Thank you for loving me, despite my darkest secrets and dreaming with me on my biggest, crazy dreams.
Last year, our best year yet, I can’t tell you how much my respect for you blew through the roof when you nearly yelled at me, “I’m tired of you talking about this, it’s about time you did something about it!” – I didn’t know whether to hit you or kiss you. Not only did you spur me towards my dream, but every single day you remind me that I am enough and are there to take action and help me make things happen, including my first big steps that you directly encouraged me into. You too, worked so hard last year. Sometimes, I don’t know how you work four 12-hour night shifts in a row and still have the energy to take me to a pumpkin patch so I can have ghost pumpkins in my office for Thanksgiving. Or how you had the patience to deal with long hours and work and come home to once again listen to my fears and point out how dumb they were.
This year we have some big adventures ahead of us. My heart jumps just thinking of them. But there is no one on this Earth I would rather take these jumps with than you. I love you more than you know. I love the person I am with you, just myself. You complete me like you finish eating my food. Yet you demand I be independent, you require a woman to be your wife as much as I require a man.
God made Ecclesiastes 3:11 come alive when I met you. I learned grace from you our first year of marriage – amazing grace. I understood love in 2012 when we embraced each other completely, flaws and all. Last year we became a strong man and woman, working together in that grace and love. This year is certainly going to be our year of magic.
Yep, I will probably get on to you about leaving your muddy hunting clothes in the hallway and you’ll probably have to tell me to clean the dishes better before putting them in the dishwasher. You will probably want to pull your hair when I tell you how much my next project will cost and I will probably test your patience when I go on an hour-long tangent about artists. You will get annoyed when I ask you to not wear gym shorts out to dinner and I will get frustrated when one game of Call of Duty becomes three.
But at the end of the day, when you’re holding me close and we pray together, my words will be of nothing but thanks for you and our marriage. That is love. And to me, darling, our love is magic.